Tuesday, June 2, 2009

next to a dog a book is a mans best friend. inside a dog its to dark to read

this is what i thought was a great big fuck up. a great big situation that needed a great big abortion. but you cant self abort at 19. i think i should start with sorry. i need to say sorry to a girl. because i pissed in her life, instead of in the shower, and because of it i lost everything. and i think it will be harder in the morning.
but im not a child anymore. and i have to sleep in the bed i so uncomfortabley made for myself. im was tall enough to reach for the stars, and im old enough to love you from afar. and now im old enough to do what im told. even if i never hold you again.
this is what i think is for the best. i left. i left without a goodbye, i always run. i always have run away and tried to dig a hole big enough to put my head in. but never succed. i ran away from them because i knew that no amount of the truth could set me free. no amount of sorry could make her forgive me. and no amount of time could heel the silly little wounds.
i sit most nights and wonder why i did it. was it the rush? when did i make up my mind? when did i not think it over? i think i did it because im still scared of myself. im still scared of what i am that i cant deal with what im not. that and the feeling of being alone. even in a room full of people i called friends. still being a stranger. the thrill of doing something that i know i shouldnt. seeing how long it took to get my taste of hate. this is me, completely terrified.

1 comment:

  1. You just summed up what has been happening to me but I've been hiding for the past two weeks.

    This has made me start bawling and its helping.

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete