Tuesday, May 5, 2009

JOY joy joy in the rain.

It has been another awkward day, from wakeing, to eating, to sitting here typeing. to say that i hadnt forgotton about my little blog would be lieing quite a bit. ive been looking around and im starting to think the world is running out of things to tell me. good news is hard to come by. some boys from school died in a car crash, they were two years yonger then me and in their grad year this year. it made me think of my old imaginary friend Elroy and what ever happened to him.

i mean what happens to them when you no longer have the imagination to let them live. where do they go back to? is there an agency for then? a boarding house? and how can we be so crule? he was the cowboy when i was the indian, he would hide when i wished to seek. all that is left of Elroy is memory, which seems not even strong enough to allow him to live. how could i let this happen to my best friend, my only friend. he knew me better than i did myself. he knew every move, was there for every blow, for every last bruise they gave me he was there to suck the bad blood out. and i just let it happen. i just left him to rot in the back of my mind.

in the end im glad im not somebodies imaginary friend. the thought of liveing on the lonieness of others in a terrifying idea. Elroy made me happy, but i wonder if he ever held back, kept me from feeling truley whole just so i didnt make him dissapear too soon. i think all that matters is that i loved him and he loved me. and for something that only exsisted in my head ive never met anyone as real. i miss him now i think of it. i tried talking to him today but felt like an idiot. i guess thats sosiety right.


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