Thursday, May 7, 2009

for anyone whos ever told a lie, and enjoyed it

when you dont wanna feel, death can seem like a dream. but seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. maybe theres a moment growing up when something peels back, maybe we look for secrets because we cant believe our own minds. though i missed you, even without really knowing you, life would be better without me. a thought is a hard thing to control.

all i know is that i began to feel again. crazy, sane, whatever i was, i knew there was only one way back into the world. i began to talk, to tell you my stories and my adventures. i realise that being crazy dosnt mean your broken its just you or me applified. ive been up and ive been down, ive been good and ive commited every sin. but ive come along way to see you.

to the old, i really miss you, you know that? i really do. i miss our words, our jokes, our secrets. i miss our fabrications and our lies. because in time those things will make me stronger, just at moment every time i think of them it makes me wanna scream.
tears are just the antidote for laughter
i keep fucking picking my nails, there isnt going to be anything left of them soon.

and im pouring my secrets into shot glasses and dumping them down the drain. because there is nothing better than a broken heart to dull your senes, not even alcohol cant do what that dose.

its funny because i have no reason to be sad. [you know except for feeling completely alone] i have things to make me happy. but they never seem to last. its like im dumping myself down the toilet. i dont even know what im talking about anymore.
its just an endless spiral downward. and i would like the feeling to die now. please. this train of thought is falling off the track and its about to crash, and did you know blood it blue untill its oxiginated. and i want something but i dont really know what.



  1. AnonymousMay 07, 2009

    This made me feel something, I'm not sure what, but it stirred up some emotion within me. Great post :) and you're great on lookbook!

  2. great blog! the pics are amazing!


    - Alexxander

  3. the fox and rabbit picture is making me sad... golly, so glad i found your blog!

  4. great pictures, all of them, a very fine selection of bizarre images and tought
    LOVE it!

  5. Poddy will always love you Pandy, for ever and ever no matter what, and I always read your blog now and again because it feels like you are talking to me still.... whilst I continue to live alone in this world.